breathing things

Year: 2020

Medium: Photobook

Book size: H14.8 x W10.5 cm

*Images above do not indicate the entirety of the content

This project is an introspective point of view from a larger scale of - the departure of my life’s past and an invitation to the next. The flight represents a movement through life and everyday experiences.

This book consists of the intensity of my emotions as a person who feels a lot in my everyday life. Moments of extraversion, introversion and anxiety. The uncertainty and the lack of confidence that is universal.

As an ENFP, an introverted extrovert, I do not have problems projecting surface emotions externally, such as the things that I’m happy or pissed about. 

Not talking about my underlying emotions, doesn’t mean I don’t experience them.

I often find myself bottling my feelings to the brim, but I tell myself that it’s my problem and I have to deal with it myself instead of burdening others.

Somewhere between not wanting to be a burden and having my vulnerable moments turned against me, I built walls so high and distanced myself from the world.

My walls were so high I could barely breathe. I let no one in and shut myself out. I became too terrified to share my underlying emotions and blamed the world for when I opened up to people, instead of myself for opening up to the wrong people.

I cried for help but I didn’t want to help myself. I started drowning and so did my cries. People could no longer hear me. People thought I was fine but I wasn’t. They came to me for a listening ear but who could I go to when I needed it?

I sought an alternative to seek attention and breathed emotions into things in a subtle way but people just brushed it off as if I was genuinely okay. Over time, I began to believe that I was truly okay and it was a way for me to recover from the chaos around me. Everything felt like it faded away - I was in massive denial and ran away from my own emotions further.

Through this project, I came face to face with the fragility of my own emotions. No more running away, just you and me within my photo book.